Stupid romantic comedies
I don’t know why I’m bothering because at this point I’m sure no one’s reading anymore.
Tonight I’m feeling pretty miserable. Rule 1: don’t watch romantic comedies during PMS-danger-zone times of the month. Rule 2: don’t cancel social plans due to rainy weather in order to sit at home watching romantic comedies during PMS-danger-zone times of the month.
All I can say is tonight I’m tired. Not usually. Usually I’m hopeful. But tonight, I feel tired. There’s been a long road with lots of walking and lots of tasks and lots of little victories gathered from unexpected nests along the way like precious little blue speckled eggs into a wicker basket. I look down at the accumluation and I am grateful. I really am. But it’s taken a lot of work and my feet are tired.
So I’m just putting out there, that maybe once in a while, I’d like a big victory. Like right now, for instance. A big victory, delivered fast, with no work, and delivered to me by someone who wouldn’t mind staying for a spell. Actually, not just who wouldn’t mind–someone who really thinks staying for a spell would be the best thing in the world they could ever imagine.
I’m sick of being lonely and I want to remember what it feels like to be wanted. By someone I want, that is.
I’m also sick of being at a loss of who I’d feel okay calling and telling this to other than a blog. I miss my best friends. I mean, they’re all still alive, of course. But I mean I miss them the way they were before, when they had the time to care and to rank me among their primary people to care about.
When I was twenty and standing in some pub in Galway laughing with my best friend in the world, being unexpectedly serenaded by men on a stage with guitars, I never imagined this picture, this future me, this me I am now, typing this tonight.
And I wonder if anything beautiful and rare like that would ever happen again for me, no longer being a twenty-year-old girl. And I wish I’d appreciated it more back then. Those dumb little romantic things in life.
That is all.
Posted by dea on Sep 6, 2008 in sad · 11 Comments
As I hit “publish,” my cat just vomited all over the floor. I’m now off to clean it up. That’s what I’m going to do before I go to bed.
I can’t even think about the metaphorical implications of this.
Though I suppose that IS the kind of thing that would happen in a romantic comedy right after the heroine ranted on about something like this, isn’t it?
It is. The cat, I mean. Consider it a good sign. Because really, it’s your only choice.
Trust me, I know. I know all about assigning meaning. You have to keep on doing it, and on the side where it all comes out great. Have to.
I guess so, though in the past 24 hours it hasn’t been easy. Man, I hate PMSing.
It has stopped raining. Sun’s out. I believe I’ll go for a walk.
Ahem. I’m still reading, and babe, i ain’t no-one.
And if a cat vomiting copiously as you hit “Publish” isn’t a good omen, then I honestly don’t know what is.
Mwah!
I’m still reading.
You know better than to watch the romantic comedies when you’re PMS’ing.
This is gonna sound weird, but make a list. Make a list of what you want, very specifically what you want. Very honestly, what you want. Put the energy into it. But not specifically targeted to someone.
Silly as it is, once you have the list, you just may find exactly what you’re looking for… I did.
Just wanted to let you know I still am reading.
I totally understand wishing you had someone to talk to. I have my hubby but he only wants to hear just so much about my frustrations and work. Between kids and work I don’t really have any friends. Boy does that suck to see it written down! Oh well, it could always be worse.
I always seem to end up watching romantic comedies alone when I have PMS. And I always end up feeling depressed. Yet at that time of the month it’s like I’m drawn to them…
I hear you. What I would like, though, is someone I can spontaneously turn to whenever I feel like sharing a random silly thought. Someone right there.
Thanks for all the comments. I’d been experiencing some blog outage issues (on the admin side) so I have been dealing with that and am late with the replies.
I should add that one of the movies I watched was this film called “P.S. I Love You,” starring Hillary Swank and two great pieces of eye candy (IMO), Gerard Butler and Jeffrey Dean Morgan. And you see full backal nudity of JDM, too.
I fucken miss full backal male nudity. I think this is part of the whole thing.
Anyway, I thought it was going to be crap, but the movie is actually rather charming, even if it’s not high art. Or maybe I just got mesmerized by the dark, swarthy Irish guys. I dunno. (Although IRL one is Scottish and one is American–but they both PLAY swarthy Irish guys.)
Minx: Well, they say bird poop is good luck. Cat vomit must count for something or other.
DN: Actually that doesn’t sound weird to me at all and I’ve done it myself at least once before at earlier times in my life and it worked. I remember when you did it, too, and the results were swift and impressive.
But I actually DID do this, just off blog, a while back. So far nothing’s happened. Maybe I have to publish it to make it real. Who knows. For some reason I feel embarrassed to do that.
Mommydee: I hope you find a good friend outlet, too. I do have friends. The thing is, the ones I talk do most intimately don’t live nearby. The ones that live close are fun to hang with but they’re not people I could call and talk deep feelings with. Plus, neither of these groups are the people who have known me for great lengths of time, so have some context of my history and stuff. Most of my old friends are consumed with spouses and family right now–or sometimes their jobs–and I end up feeling like they don’t have time for anything else anymore. I wish I had someone close by that I could just ring up at any time and have a chat with who has known me for some length of time and feels a depth of friendship with me.
Vicky: Me, too. They’re *supposed* to cheer you up, aren’t they?
GG: Yeah, proximity is key here. I miss having girlfriends/guyfriends who live really close that I could call up on a whim and if we’re both in a bad mood, force ourselves to get out of the house and do something or whatever. To be silly with. Someone “right there” who I could immediately turn to might be even better, but at the moment I need that somewhat less. Though, I *would* like some romance for a change, so some “right thereness” in that department would be appreciated.
L.O.N.E.L.Y. should be a bright and meaningful / ironic anagram for something, but typing this is the last thing I’m doing before closing my eyes,…..so creativity will have to wait…Maybe we shouldn’t be lonely, maybe we should be AGENTS of L.O.N.E.L.Y.
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